what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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this hospital has no fireball
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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