Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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