You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize