Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize