can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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