In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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