Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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