I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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