I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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