I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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