Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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