3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize