Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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