I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize