Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize