Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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