I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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