i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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