So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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