and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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