Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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