I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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