11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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