Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize