Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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