just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would ride that face into the sunset
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize