I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize