Already got asked if we're dating
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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