I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Panties = found
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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