i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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