im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize