They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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