i just wanna soil my oats bro
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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