I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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