Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize