You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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