Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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