I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize