Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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