Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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