if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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