Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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