I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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