I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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