i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize