So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
don't judge my taste in strippers
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize