I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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