There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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