i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize