3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize